thats how long i've been staring at this little bundle known as my son, jack.
i can stare at him as i type this, his little face peeking out of a bundle of blankets as he sleeps next to me. i stare at him at 2am, 4am, and 6am (hah if only it were that predictable) as we figure out the mystery of nursing.
staring probably isn't the right word... gazing, gulping him in, being in awe. those are closer.
today i was struck by the way that Jesus is teaching me to love this little man and showing me how He loves me in the process. at 5:24 am jack started sqwuaking (i dont know how to spell that word) and i did my best to ignore him and pretend he wasn't waking up. again. to eat. again. i was desperately tired from the breastfeeding battle 2k11 that rages on in the wee hours of the night and really wanted to use jedi mind powers to talk him into going back to sleep. with a small sigh of defeat (and by small i mean loud enough that matthew heard me and said 'i'm sorry honey'), i got up, gathered the little bundle, and shuffled to the nursery to assume the position.
then i looked. and saw my son. and felt patience and love flood past my tears of frustration. settling in for a half hour of looking.
it hit me today while i was at the gym (one of greg's sermons on unity i had listened to while nursing being the catalyst for these thoughts) that this is exactly what Jesus wants for us. he wants us to feel how love can put our selfishness in check. how we can acknowledge someone else's needs are greater than ours and we can put them before ourselves. in humility. with love. making our joy complete.
while i want more sleep (a lot more), i want more of Jesus putting my heart in check even more. at whatever time of day that may happen.